Look up at the sky

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom was baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy."

His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father".

He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy."

His dad slaps him in the face and says "Go show your grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira, abuelita, I'm a white boy!"

His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already don't like Mexicans."

Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.