Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional,Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...

Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."

A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop. She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little "accident", she asks "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers," Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you are going to ~I'm an idiot with no life~ yourself when I tell you the price."

A "city-boy" ventured out and bought himself a farm-house. He needed some animals for the farm and inquired at the neighbor's place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.

The city-boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster."

"Ok, I'll take one of them," said the city boy. He pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, "That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken."

"I'll take it," said the city boy.

"You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this ass, or mule."

The city-boy agreed.

"The mule might give you problems being stubborn 'n all and lie down on you," informed the farmer. "If you scratch his belly really good, he'll get up."

As the city-boy is heading home, a beautiful girl is approaching. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move. The girl hurries over and asks if she can help.

"Yeah," exclaimed the city-boy, "You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch my ass.